I'm Still Standing!

For some time now, I have been feeling a change within myself. I have always been sensitive to the energy around me, but have started to become more sensitive to it. I am more aware of other presences and my ability to “know” what I need to do. I do Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Nia and have started to meditate more often. My eating and drinking habits are also changing. Fresh fruit, raw veggies and water seem to be what I want most often.

It seems that I am going through some kind of cleansing process without consciously choosing to. This cleansing of my body and spirit has opened up my feelings of needing to cleanse my mind as well and I believe that once I have written down some of the things that I have been through in my life, it will help me to move forward on the path that is set before me.

There is no intention for this to be a “poor me” type of story, it is simply something I need to put out there, for my own growth. You can choose to read it or not and if it helps you in any way then that’s great too!

I believe we are all here for a reason. My path, up to where I am now, has been bent and twisted in all directions, but I am here! I did one of those fun quizzes on facebook I while ago on “What song illustrates your life?” My song came out as Elton John’s, “I’m Still Standing”. I thought, how true and these are some of the reasons why…….

At 2 years of age, I drowned in a hotel children’s swimming pool. Clinically dead for long enough to be in the papers at the time, but luckily not long enough to cause any serious brain damage. (Some of my friends may disagree!) I still remember the feeling of floating above and watching the hotel doctor trying to resuscitate my body.

At around 17, I was diagnosed with scoliosis (curvature of the spine). In my case, the spine was twisted as well as curved. After years of monitoring, my spine worsened and the pain became so severe that I could barely stand to clean my teeth. At 27 I was given a difficult choice! …. Be a guinea pig with a new type of surgery that “if successful” might help and “if unsuccessful” will leave me paralysed…. Or…. don’t risk the surgery and be in a wheelchair by the time I am 30! Wow!!! Is that actually a choice? Well, I went ahead and had the surgery, figuring that if it didn’t work it would just mean a wheelchair a few years earlier than was predicted anyway. I had nothing to lose, but everything to gain. Surgery was successful. I now have 2 steel rods & 3 steel bolts around a partially fused spine.

In 1993 my mother discovered a mole on her neck. It was diagnosed as melanoma cancer. She had two surgeries to get deep enough to get it all out. She beat it.

In 1996 my grandfather (Mother’s father) passed away from lung cancer. The following day, my aunt (Dad’s sister) passed away at the age of 57 after a 10+ year battle with bone cancer.

In 1999, we (my husband & 3 children) moved from Sydney to New York. In November 2000, my son (aged 4) fell off the climbing bars at school and broke his wrist. I took him to the emergency section and we had to share a cubicle with a man who had managed to shoot himself in the hand. They took that bullet out of this guy’s hand with just a curtain between him and us. What does that do to a 4 year old boy?

In August 2001, a recurring headache made my mother go to the doctor. She was diagnosed with secondary cancer which had spread so far throughout her body that there was nothing anyone could do.

September 11, 2001 (9/11) - I was booked on a flight to Sydney that afternoon so I could be by my mother’s bedside. From memory, my flight number was American Airlines flight “AA119” from New York to Los Angeles, where I was going to change planes and carry on to Sydney. That date is ingrained on everyone’s memory. Obviously I didn’t fly out that day, but still can’t help wonder if my flight was one of the targeted ones. I didn’t make it to my mother’s side and she passed away the following day. I couldn’t make it to her funeral either which was held a few days later.

Throughout all these years and up until now, my father has had numerous open heart operations and is now on his 3rd pacemaker. He is also a diabetic.

In 2002, we moved to Kuala Lumpur. Within 2 weeks of arriving my daughter (aged 4) split her head on a table and needed stitches. 2 weeks later, my son (aged 6) had a fall which resulted in a huge gash across his shin and through his leg muscle. He needed immediate surgery requiring internal & external stitches. Two months later I got shingles down the whole right side of my face and inside my ear. All 3 kids came down with chicken pox at the same time. It took a good 6 months to recover from the shingles and the postherpetic neuralgia that I suffered afterwards.

In 2006, we moved to the UK. We miss my family and all the friends we have made along the way. However, my husband is originally from the UK so we are blessed to now be near his family and we are slowly making new friends.

As I sit here and read this, I can see there are many things I’ve left out, but know it is time to move on. If you have actually read this far, I thank you. :)

All of these happenings in my life have helped to make me who I am. It has been a difficult journey but, as already said, I believe I am here for a reason. I am lucky! I am married to a wonderful man and have three happy & healthy children. I have lived in different countries and have learnt about different cultures. I do what I love, know that I am good at it and can only keep learning and getting better!

I’M STILL STANDING!